Ramblings from Retirement – Deacon’s Wives and Kids!
Ramblings from Retirement – Deacon’s Wives and Kids!
By Lee Hemen, Retired Pastor
March 19, 2021
I remember when I had been a believer for several years when my church came to me asking if I would be considered to be a Deacon. I was surprised and flattered. Having served as a Yokefellow (Deacon in training), as a Deacon, Ministry Leader for College and Discipleship, and finally serving as a pastor for 35 years I have seen a lot of men called to the ministry and to be Deacons. I have served on many selection committees over the years for Minister of Music, Deacons, Associate Pastor and Pastor. And as I was sitting here having my devotion I was reminded of what Paul wrote Timothy concerning men who were being considered for being a Deacon in the church.
Paul would write, “Deacons, likewise, are to be men worthy of respect, sincere, not indulging in much wine, and not pursuing dishonest gain. They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience. They must first be tested; and then if there is nothing against them, let them serve as deacons. In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything. A deacon must be the husband of but one wife and must manage his children and his household well. Those who have served well gain an excellent standing and great assurance in their faith in Christ Jesus. (1 Timothy 3:8-13 NIV)”
I have seen men considered and accepted as Pastors and Deacons that should have never been considered and I have even spoken against some men for being considered. However I am not going to speak to the qualifications or lack thereof for men who are being considered for Deacon, rather I want to address some issues that sometimes are completely ignored.
First and foremost as a church considers the office of Deacon they need to make sure of what they expect from their Deacons and be very clear what is expected. The reason is simple: Too many churches have a false notion of what Deacons are supposed to be. They are not to be the “second branch” of church government. This comes from the false notion that like the Federal Government the Pastor is the Executive Branch, the Deacons are the Legislative Branch, and the congregation serves as the Judicial. Sometimes the congregation and Deacons trade between being the Judicial and Legislative Branches. This simply is not biblical. Deacons were seen and originally chosen to serve their church and assist the leadership (See Acts 6:1-7). Deacons are to be servants and helpers that fill in where the Pastor cannot or where he or the local church needs help.
However the second thing I wanted to address is the wife of the Deacon. Notice that Paul wrote his friend Timothy that “In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.” In the same way means that she should be like her husband; tested, nothing ungodly held against them, worthy or respect, sincere, not drinkers, and not pursuing dishonest gain. But also notice Paul adds another attribute for the wives of Deacons in that they should not be “malicious talkers but temperate and worthy in everything”. Deacons will serve in situations where they will be entrusted with spiritual things and certain secrets that cannot be shared with anyone else, even their wives. And yet their wives may be called to help in the ministry and they too will need to keep their mouths quiet concerning sensitive issues. One important note I want to make here is the fact that the church’s Pastor should always be informed of any spiritual weakness within the congregation unless it specifically concerns a spiritual issue of the Pastor himself. Gabby Deacons or gossipy wives can ruin a church.
And finally the issue of how a Deacon’s family acts is extremely important. In the early church men could have come from a lifestyle of where they had several wives at a time. The wording in the original Greek in Timothy makes it plain that these men were to be the husband of one wife when they were being considered as a Deacon in the church. Paul doesn’t mean a man cannot be single or that he could never have been divorced. The wording is clear; he should be the husband of one wife and not several but also notice that he “must manage his children and his household well.” This means his wife and children respect and honor him. This is not some rigid hardhearted man who demands compliance from his family but one who lovingly encourages and spiritually strengthens his family. His wife and children love and follow his lead. He is involved in his home. Also notice that Paul stressed that he should “manage his children and household well.” This also includes his finances. A man being considered for Deacon should be able to handle his finances and he should already be a thither and willing giver to his church. Money should not be an issue in his life.
Sadly there are a lot of jokes and stories out there concerning a Pastor’s family or a Deacon’s family; and may this never be the case concerning the men and their families that your church may consider to the ministry of Deacon.
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This article is copyrighted © 2021 by Lee Hemen and is the sole property of Lee Hemen, and may not be used unless you quote the entire article and have my permission.
By Lee Hemen, Retired Pastor
March 19, 2021
I remember when I had been a believer for several years when my church came to me asking if I would be considered to be a Deacon. I was surprised and flattered. Having served as a Yokefellow (Deacon in training), as a Deacon, Ministry Leader for College and Discipleship, and finally serving as a pastor for 35 years I have seen a lot of men called to the ministry and to be Deacons. I have served on many selection committees over the years for Minister of Music, Deacons, Associate Pastor and Pastor. And as I was sitting here having my devotion I was reminded of what Paul wrote Timothy concerning men who were being considered for being a Deacon in the church.
Paul would write, “Deacons, likewise, are to be men worthy of respect, sincere, not indulging in much wine, and not pursuing dishonest gain. They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience. They must first be tested; and then if there is nothing against them, let them serve as deacons. In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything. A deacon must be the husband of but one wife and must manage his children and his household well. Those who have served well gain an excellent standing and great assurance in their faith in Christ Jesus. (1 Timothy 3:8-13 NIV)”
I have seen men considered and accepted as Pastors and Deacons that should have never been considered and I have even spoken against some men for being considered. However I am not going to speak to the qualifications or lack thereof for men who are being considered for Deacon, rather I want to address some issues that sometimes are completely ignored.
First and foremost as a church considers the office of Deacon they need to make sure of what they expect from their Deacons and be very clear what is expected. The reason is simple: Too many churches have a false notion of what Deacons are supposed to be. They are not to be the “second branch” of church government. This comes from the false notion that like the Federal Government the Pastor is the Executive Branch, the Deacons are the Legislative Branch, and the congregation serves as the Judicial. Sometimes the congregation and Deacons trade between being the Judicial and Legislative Branches. This simply is not biblical. Deacons were seen and originally chosen to serve their church and assist the leadership (See Acts 6:1-7). Deacons are to be servants and helpers that fill in where the Pastor cannot or where he or the local church needs help.
However the second thing I wanted to address is the wife of the Deacon. Notice that Paul wrote his friend Timothy that “In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.” In the same way means that she should be like her husband; tested, nothing ungodly held against them, worthy or respect, sincere, not drinkers, and not pursuing dishonest gain. But also notice Paul adds another attribute for the wives of Deacons in that they should not be “malicious talkers but temperate and worthy in everything”. Deacons will serve in situations where they will be entrusted with spiritual things and certain secrets that cannot be shared with anyone else, even their wives. And yet their wives may be called to help in the ministry and they too will need to keep their mouths quiet concerning sensitive issues. One important note I want to make here is the fact that the church’s Pastor should always be informed of any spiritual weakness within the congregation unless it specifically concerns a spiritual issue of the Pastor himself. Gabby Deacons or gossipy wives can ruin a church.
And finally the issue of how a Deacon’s family acts is extremely important. In the early church men could have come from a lifestyle of where they had several wives at a time. The wording in the original Greek in Timothy makes it plain that these men were to be the husband of one wife when they were being considered as a Deacon in the church. Paul doesn’t mean a man cannot be single or that he could never have been divorced. The wording is clear; he should be the husband of one wife and not several but also notice that he “must manage his children and his household well.” This means his wife and children respect and honor him. This is not some rigid hardhearted man who demands compliance from his family but one who lovingly encourages and spiritually strengthens his family. His wife and children love and follow his lead. He is involved in his home. Also notice that Paul stressed that he should “manage his children and household well.” This also includes his finances. A man being considered for Deacon should be able to handle his finances and he should already be a thither and willing giver to his church. Money should not be an issue in his life.
Sadly there are a lot of jokes and stories out there concerning a Pastor’s family or a Deacon’s family; and may this never be the case concerning the men and their families that your church may consider to the ministry of Deacon.
----
This article is copyrighted © 2021 by Lee Hemen and is the sole property of Lee Hemen, and may not be used unless you quote the entire article and have my permission.
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