Have Faith in God - Mark 11:22-26

Fatherly Advice - Proverbs 22:6 

By Pastor Lee Hemen

June 12, 2022

Father’s Day is coming up real soon and later in the year, on September 11, 2022, the first Sunday after Labor Day we will celebrate National Grandparents Day. Of course, we just celebrated Mother’s Day. When I was younger, like a lot of kids, I wondered out loud when there would be a national celebration for kids, my father replied that “It’s when schools begins in the fall.” Some would say, “Every day is Kid’s Day.” And perhaps it is.

We live in a day and age where children have become almost idolatry for some families. Here’s what I mean: Far too much emphasis is placed on how to make children happy and little is spent on what truly makes a child self-sufficient. Children today are often used by “experts” as educational and political experiments for indoctrination. Yet the Bible speaks very plainly on what truly constitutes a well rounded child rearing. What most families lack today in raising godly kids is consistency, so today, I’m going to take a few moments to give some fatherly advice.

READ: Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. (Proverbs 22:6 NIV84)

What does this mean? I’ve heard this over and over again and I’ve listened to a multitude of sermons and seminars on the subject, but what does it truly mean for us today? New parents I’ve learned usually have a lot of questions about how to raise children. Many think that by giving a child free reign allows them to express their true selves. However, the Scriptures make it quite clear that both adults and children do best when they know their boundaries. Let’s discover some fatherly advice, shall we?

I. Children do best when they know their parameters! (Matthew 5:37)

Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. (Matthew 5:37 NIV84)

  1. Jesus understood that people often want to make a million excuses as to why they failed to follow through on something, whether it was being holy or doing their daily chores. Keeping it simple when raising kids works best just as it does with adults. The Hebrews had developed the political skill of word usage. They would declare certain things as “holy” or set apart for God (Corban) just so they could get out of helping out their parents. The Pharisees were notorious for their nonbinding oaths, which were made on the least provocation. They would make all kinds of allowances for mental reservations within their oaths. If they wanted to be relieved of oaths they had made by heaven… by the earth… by Jerusalem, or by one’s own head, they could argue that since God Himself had not been involved their oaths were not binding. Kids can do the exact same thing. The Lord was saying one’s life should be sufficient to back up one’s words. A “yes” always ought to mean “yes”, and a “no” should mean “no”. James seems to have picked up these words of the Lord in his epistle: “Above all, my brothers, do not swear--not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. Let your ‘Yes’ be yes, and your ‘No,’ no, or you will be condemned. (James 5:12 NIV84)” I find it interesting that in our day and age there are many who think that you can never tell a child “no”, but this is not realistic because they will face a lot of “no’s” in life. Teaching children to be independent does not begin with telling them “yes” all of the time. In fact, children do best when they know their parameters!

  EXAMPLE: One day, two young mothers were sitting on the front porch of one of their homes watching their children playing in the front yard while they visited. One child kept heading toward the street and one mother being afraid of traffic would get up and go and bring her child back without saying a word. After about the tenth time of doing this the other mother asked, “Why don’t you just tell him ‘no’ when he heads for the street?” The other mother remarked, “Oh I could never do that because I don’t want him to feel negative feelings just because he is curious.” About that time, the other mother’s child headed toward the same street and she simply spoke firmly to him, “NO!” He stopped, turned around, and did not head to the street again. The mom turned to her friend and remarked, “There’s nothing wrong with telling your child ‘no’ now and then, it helps them to know their boundaries.” Children do best when they know their parameters!

There are those who think that by giving their child everything and anything they are making them happy, and while this may be true for the moment what it creates in the long run is unrealistic expectations. Children are like everyone else and are intrinsically selfish. They want food and water when they need it, sweets when they can get them, and their wants and wishes fulfilled immediately. And kids are not stupid; they know how to begin to manipulate their environment, one parent over the other, to suit their own needs. The second piece of fatherly advice I want to give this morning is…

II. Children do best when they are not frustrated! (Ephesians 6:4)

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4 NIV84)

  1. Children can become exasperated by not knowing what is expected of them. Like I just shared, they need no’s to be no and yes’s to be yes. This is also true in how they are given responsibilities. And this begins early in childhood, or it should anyway. Picking up toys, cleaning their room, brushing teeth, or regular bathing is all part of this process. And no, children do not need to be rewarded for doing what is expected of them as part of the family. Just as daily expectations of chores should be a part of every child’s life so should the nurturing and maturation of their understanding of God. Most problems in our society today stem from the basic fact that most families have no core principles that they adhere to, or are at best they are just a mishmash of feel good philosophy. Teen suicides are up because of COVID, now why do you think this is true? Because kids feel left out, neglected, or ostracized when they cannot be around family or friends. Many young teenage boys feel like they cannot do anything right because society has emphasized the opposite sex, unisex, or you can be any sex. Young men have become “exasperated” and when they do, the result can often be self-inflicted harm or violent behavior. Boys are not being raised to be godly men and girls are not taught what it means to be a godly woman. Young girls are taught that it is more important to be empowered rather than learn how to nurture. Children learn how to be parents from their PARENTS! You can exasperate your child by not being consistent in what is expected of them. Children do best when they are not frustrated!

  EXAMPLE: The other day in WinCo, again, I came across a mother and she had a gaggle of children with her; several girls and a little boy. The boy, who was riding in the shopping cart, began to fuss because he didn’t get what he wanted when he wanted it, which was right now. She just kept shopping. His frustration grew but her patience did not seem to wane at all. Finally, however, she stopped shopping, made him look at her, and asked him, “Young man, have you ever gotten you way by fussing at me?” He replied, “No ma’am.” She smiled and told him, “Then sit yourself down and be quiet or you may earn something you do not like.” He did immediately as his mother commanded. I had to laugh because one of her daughters leaned into the cart and remarked, “I told you what mom would do if you kept fussing.” Now those kids knew what was expected of them. Children do best when they are not frustrated!

I have often heard advice on raising kids from the time I was a young parent and into becoming a pastor. One of the first verses of Scripture I learned was “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him (Proverbs 13:24 NIV)”, which came the old adage of “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” Many have misused this over the years including those who want to be too permissive, to those who are way too dictatorial. Let’s discover the last piece of fatherly advice that… 

III. Children do best when they are consistently disciplined! (Proverbs 12:1 NIV84)

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid. (Proverbs 12:1 NIV84)

  1. Wisdom is not gained by knowledge but rather by how you use the knowledge you have gained in life. This is why the writer of Proverbs writes what he does: “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.” Now there are those who declare that we should never call someone stupid, but folks there are a lot of stupid people in the world and the sooner you realize it the better off you will be. I’ve known a lot of knowledgeable people who were not very wise. And parents do their children a disservice by not consistently disciplining them. Notice that I did not say “spanking” them. It’s easy for some parents to give out attaboys but it is way more difficult for them to make their precious children mind their Ps and Qs. This is funny expression that came from British pubs where barkeepers were taught to be aware of the number of pints and quarts they gave out so they could tally a correct bill. Some think it came from sailing vessels where a sailor was to mind his coat (pea coat) collar and his powdered wig braid (called a cue). Wherever it came from far too many kids today cannot discipline themselves because they have never experienced discipline growing up. The Christian word “disciple” comes from the same root word because a disciple was expected to discipline themselves in order to learn from their teachers. Paul, using sportsman language, would declare how this disciplining process took place in his own life by relating: “I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. (1 Corinthians 9:27 NIV84)” Paul was no masochist but he was disciplined in Jesus. Like a good prizefighter Paul disciplined himself for the ring he faced daily. That’s what good parents do with their children because children do best when they are consistently disciplined!

  EXAMPLE: Far too many in our day and age are not self-disciplined because they were never taught to be. From media, in family interactions, to the non-constraints of a society that teaches anything goes. No one should ever be told “no”, that they do a lousy job, or that they have no morals. When I was at a Vancouver Clinic the other day I overheard a grandmother lamenting about how when her granddaughter was told that she could not act the way she was acting, she spit in her mother’s face. The mother, I guess responded by asking her daughter, “Is that anyway to act?” The grandmother went on to relate that she must have because she never said she was sorry or apologized to her mother. It made me wonder about how the child was disciplined. I’ve learned that if you want children to grow up to be kind adults, they have to realize there are consequences for their bad behavior. Children do best when they are consistently disciplined!

Conclusion:

Children do best when they know their parameters! Children do best when they are not frustrated! Children do best when they are consistently disciplined!

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This article is copyrighted © 2022 by Lee Hemen and is the sole property of Lee Hemen and may not be used unless you quote the entire article and have my permission.