Ramblings from Retirement – How we handle hurt says a lot

Ramblings from Retirement – How we handle hurt says a lot
By Retired Pastor Lee Hemen
August 5, 2021

I liked a TV series from PBS and the BBC that was called Downton Abby. In it one of the characters, Tom, tells another character Lady Mary that “being hurt is part of being alive.” He is correct and herein is a simple truth that many in our day and age have forgotten that life consists of a series of being hurt yet how we handle the hurt tells a lot about who we are as a person. Many try to escape being hurt at all and this is simply impossible. People get hurt. People die. People get sick. We are not guaranteed a perfect life, no one is and no one in all of history has enjoyed a perfect life except perhaps Jesus and he also suffered hurt in his life.

The writer of Ecclesiastes wrote that “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NIV)” There is a time for everything in life and when we forget this we delude ourselves.

My father died in my brother’s and my arms when I was 15 and he was 17, it was awful and our life was full of hurt before, during, and after the fact. Yet looking back on what occurred and the last few months of my father’s life I do not think I would want it any other way. Did I miss my father? Desperately, but his death also helped me to remember who he was, his wisdom, and how I could become the man my father desired. During the summer before his death he imparted to me a lot of wisdom, wit, and knowledge that I value to this day. Being the only one able to be home with him, we spent the summer getting to know one another -- me as a young man and him as a father imparting his life to his son. I enjoyed it thoroughly. To this day my hurt has given me more than I could have ever imagined.

Ecclesiastes reminds us that the time we have in this life is for a purpose and sometimes we miss it when we do not realize it. In today’s society too many look for hurt simply because they want to wallow in their feelings. It helps them to justify themselves. And often it gives them the opportunity to make others hurt as well. After all if you are not offended like I am then you have no feelings. If you do not hurt like I do then you do not care about others like I say you should; you’re then a racist, a bigot, or some other such nonsense because you do not experience hurt like I do in the same way. Only some lives matter more than others and only those I say should matter.

This kind of reminds me of a story Jesus related: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men--robbers, evildoers, adulterers--or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted. (Luke 18:10-14 NIV)” I relate this because it reminds us that life is full of hurt and how we handle that hurt says a lot about who we are as a person.
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This article is copyrighted © 2021 by Lee Hemen and is the sole property of Lee Hemen, and may not be used unless you quote the entire article and have my permission.

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