Being Wise About Family – Proverbs
Being Wise About Family – Proverbs
By Pastor Lee Hemen
January 27, 2008 AM
Television shows about family life have been popular for many decades. Think about the television shows you watch that feature family life. How do they depict parents or the father figure? Often not very well. Our society loves to talk a lot about the condition of the family. Psychologists and sociologists, pastors and counselors, and yet families are increasingly devalued in our society. The divorce rate continues to rise. Parents and children continue to be alienated from one another. In fact, there are those right now in the Washington State Legislature that want to redefine the sanctity of what a family is by saying that marriage is not just between a man and a woman.
God wants people to accept His design for the family, particularly that husbands and wives be a blessing to each other and to their children. God wants parents to teach children by example, wise instruction, and discipline to become responsible, godly adults. We find that the Book of Proverbs frequently addresses family issues. Studying these Proverbs can help us experience the biblical wisdom in relating to our spouse and to our children. Proverbs can also give single adults insight into biblical principles concerning relationships with family members, including their children, parents and or siblings. Let’s discover how we can be wise about family…
READ: Proverbs 18:22; 31:10; 24:3–4; 14:1; 21:19; 19:14; 20:7; 16:21; 29:15; 22;6; 23:24
The Bible devotes much attention to family life. From a systematic study of families mentioned in the Bible such as those of Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah, and Joseph and Mary, we could glean lessons for today. Another approach is to look at passages that instruct us more directly on family life. Genesis 2:21-25 and Matthew 19:4-6 present the biblical ideal for marriage and family. Paul listed responsibilities of family members in Ephesians 5:21–6:4. However, the material on the family in Proverbs is scattered throughout its chapters. I will bring together some of them as we first look at…
I. Accepting God’s Design for the Family! (Proverbs 18:22; 31:10; 24:3–4)
1. Family happiness is not just homemade, it is God-made! Although Proverbs is in the form of an instruction manual mainly for fathers in teaching their sons, its truths relate to both men and women. Proverbs affirms God’s design for marriage and exalts the kind of character required of both husbands and wives. They are the most basic unit of the family. The first family, Adam and Eve, was constituted when God created a wife for Adam. God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Gen. 2:18a). Proverbs 18:22 reminds men that having a wife is a wonderful thing. Certainly, single people can live meaningful lives with strong friendships, but being married is also good. The Hebrew word translated “favor” also means “delight” or “pleasure.” A happy marriage is a gift from God. Proverbs does not give details on choosing a mate but it does emphasize the wisdom of relying on divine guidance in making that choice. Verse 31:10 begins the well-known description of the ideal wife. A man should rejoice that his wife has “noble character,” however, the same holds true for the husband! Both are to be “worth far more than rubies” to one another. Paul upholds this ideal in Ephesians when he tells spouses to, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21) Wives are to “submit to your husbands as to the Lord” and husbands are to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church!” Proverbs compares a family to a house. A strong family is like a house built by wisdom and established by understanding. We should construct our families on the foundation of biblical principles. An empty house is incomplete. Normally, a house is furnished. The writer says our family life should be furnished by “knowledge.” The word translated knowledge often refers to personal relationship. A personal relationship with God is essential to building a strong family and it is like “rare and beautiful treasures.” Being wise about family means we need to accept God’s design for the family!
EXAMPLE: Biblical principles are often in conflict with portrayals of family life in the media. Jesus compared the Christian life to a house built on a solid foundation. That house can withstand the storms of life (Matt. 7:24-25). How many families, even Christian ones, in our day are in turmoil? Most I fear. Why? They do not rely on Biblical principles to guide their home life. This past year I bought a used set of golf clubs. I may never play the game, yet they are there if I ever need them. I have lots of stuff in my garage that is like that, do you? Whenever I need it I just have to go out and find it. You know what? Families were designed by the Lord that way. You may laugh but it is true! Everything wonderful about family is in His design and all we have to do is discover it! In the garage of our lives there exists a happy family! Far too often we have misplaced the one main ingredient, God, that will make it whole again. Being wise about family means we need to accept God’s design for the family!
God’s design for marriage is that husband and wife commit themselves to each other for life and relate to each another with godly wisdom and understanding. God’s plan for marriage involves a husband and wife who have integrity and who are mature, loyal, honest, and faithful to each other. Both the husband and wife should have a strong faith in God. The “house” or home they build together will be strong when it is based on biblical principles. We discover that we must…
II. Relate Wisely to Our Spouse (Proverbs 14:1; 21:19; 19:14)
1. Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage! While attention is focused on the wife in these verses, they are equally applicable to both husband and wife. A wife has a tremendous impact on a family. A wise woman helps create and build a strong, godly family, while a foolish one destroys family life. Although males played the more prominent role in Hebrew society, the writer correctly acknowledged the key role played by wives and mothers in a family. Proverbs presents the ideal pattern for married life but it is also realistic about problems married couples face. The husband does not escape his responsibility. We discover in our own day that many households lack godly men who are involved in the day to day spiritual and emotional nurture of their homes. Too many children suffer from a lack of a father’s care. We also discover that a wife that is nagging and hot-tempered makes family life more difficult. A husband married to this kind of wife would prefer to isolate himself in a wilderness! Children tend to ignore mothers who constantly nag rather than gain respect. Fathers need to be responsible as well in this area. We cannot control another person’s behavior, but we can exercise control over our own. When we take proper actions, often we will receive the proper reactions. The writer turns to the idea of inheritance. Inheritance is a major concern in many societies. In Hebrew life, the sons inherited from fathers. Good common sense in a spouse in our day isn’t often seen as a wonderful thing. Far too many want what they want when they want it. Few save anything and spend far beyond their means expecting the government or others to bail them out. We discover that “houses and wealth” are not worth as much as an intelligent mate in life! Being wise about family means relating wisely to our spouse.
EXAMPLE: My father was a real character. He was often the one that could find humor in any situation. When my mother threw a fur coat she hated off a bridge into a stream, a young man diligently waded in and returned it to her. Disgusted at not getting of rid of her fur, my father smiled and remarked, “Lark, ‘cast thy coat upon the waters: for thou shalt find it after many days.’” Another essential ingredient in a happy marriage is love. Our society portrays romantic love or sexuality as the basis for marriage. A problem with this is that all too often this kind of love is limited to a feelings or to a temporary physical attraction. The highest kind of love is that which acts in the best interests of the other person. It is sacrificial. The Hebrew word often used for love means “to have affection” and can also refer to a friendship. Husband and wife need to be best friends. A loving husband-wife relationship makes family life happy without a lot of material things. An abundance of stuff cannot replace the absence of love in a home. Being wise about family means relating wisely to our spouse.
Inheritance of material possessions is fine, but God’s gift of a sensible spouse is far greater. If we are open to God’s leadership, He will help us find the right person to marry. Again, we need to recall that not all people need to be married. Being single is also a gift from God. Single adults can fulfill their needs for companionship with strong Christian friendships. As we continue in being wise about family, we discover that here in Proverbs we must also…
III. Relate Responsibly to Our Children! (Proverbs 20:7; 16:21; 29:15; 22;6; 23:24)
1. Some say that some “smart” kids today do not smart in the right places! Proverbs includes many verses on parent-child relationships. Verse 20:7 stresses that parents should set positive examples for their children. The parent marked by integrity will provide the right model for their children. The children will be happy or “blessed.” Children do not always follow the parents’ examples, but parents are obligated to be good role models anyway. Ethics is more caught than taught! Therefore, a wise parent knows that pleasant speech is important in parenting. Parents need to offer constructive criticism to their children but not by tearing them down. And children should be expected to use proper respectful speech with one another and adults. Some parents try to control a child’s behavior through manipulation. They set unrealistic goals for the child and discipline becomes oppressive. Paul warned about stirring up a child’s anger (Eph. 6:4). Other parents go to the opposite extreme. They wrongly believe that if you love your child, you will not discipline them. A youth left to himself will not know how to behave properly and will act inappropriately. Verse 22:6 may be the best-known verse in Proverbs! We should see it as a principle, not a promise. A parent should discipline or teach a child the right way to live. When the child is old, he will generally retain these basic values learned as a child, however, “a child left to himself disgraces” both parents! Verse 23:24 reminds us that parents are proud of children who act responsibly. We can rejoice greatly at the strong moral character of our children. Parents often compliment their children about things such as good grades in school, musical accomplishments, or athletic achievements. We should also let our children know we appreciate their honesty and integrity. Being wise about family teaches us to relate responsibly to our children.
EXAMPLE: Some people have attributed to Mark Twain the statement, “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in 7 years.” The attitude of children toward their parents changes as they mature. Some young people show little respect for their fathers and mothers. It's disheartening to see this. But if they mature, many begin to recognize that Mom and Dad knew a lot more than they gave them credit for. On the other hand, some young people come to realize with deep regret that if they had followed the counsel of their parents they could have avoided much heartache both for themselves and their family. Christian parents need to evaluate the way they are relating to their children. They need to consider the examples they are setting. They need to reflect on the messages they send both by what they say and by how they act. A parent, for instance, who talks about other ethnic groups in a demeaning way teaches the child to be racially prejudiced. A parent who openly demonstrates love for his or her spouse communicates a positive model for family life. A husband who berates his wife sends a message to the child that his or her mother is inadequate. Being wise about family teaches us to relate responsibly to our children.
Conclusion:
1. We are to embrace God’s design for marriage and family life.
2. Each believer is to follow biblical principles in building strong and enduring relationships with his or her spouse.
3. Parents are to train their children to be responsible, godly adults.
By Pastor Lee Hemen
January 27, 2008 AM
Television shows about family life have been popular for many decades. Think about the television shows you watch that feature family life. How do they depict parents or the father figure? Often not very well. Our society loves to talk a lot about the condition of the family. Psychologists and sociologists, pastors and counselors, and yet families are increasingly devalued in our society. The divorce rate continues to rise. Parents and children continue to be alienated from one another. In fact, there are those right now in the Washington State Legislature that want to redefine the sanctity of what a family is by saying that marriage is not just between a man and a woman.
God wants people to accept His design for the family, particularly that husbands and wives be a blessing to each other and to their children. God wants parents to teach children by example, wise instruction, and discipline to become responsible, godly adults. We find that the Book of Proverbs frequently addresses family issues. Studying these Proverbs can help us experience the biblical wisdom in relating to our spouse and to our children. Proverbs can also give single adults insight into biblical principles concerning relationships with family members, including their children, parents and or siblings. Let’s discover how we can be wise about family…
READ: Proverbs 18:22; 31:10; 24:3–4; 14:1; 21:19; 19:14; 20:7; 16:21; 29:15; 22;6; 23:24
The Bible devotes much attention to family life. From a systematic study of families mentioned in the Bible such as those of Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah, and Joseph and Mary, we could glean lessons for today. Another approach is to look at passages that instruct us more directly on family life. Genesis 2:21-25 and Matthew 19:4-6 present the biblical ideal for marriage and family. Paul listed responsibilities of family members in Ephesians 5:21–6:4. However, the material on the family in Proverbs is scattered throughout its chapters. I will bring together some of them as we first look at…
I. Accepting God’s Design for the Family! (Proverbs 18:22; 31:10; 24:3–4)
1. Family happiness is not just homemade, it is God-made! Although Proverbs is in the form of an instruction manual mainly for fathers in teaching their sons, its truths relate to both men and women. Proverbs affirms God’s design for marriage and exalts the kind of character required of both husbands and wives. They are the most basic unit of the family. The first family, Adam and Eve, was constituted when God created a wife for Adam. God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Gen. 2:18a). Proverbs 18:22 reminds men that having a wife is a wonderful thing. Certainly, single people can live meaningful lives with strong friendships, but being married is also good. The Hebrew word translated “favor” also means “delight” or “pleasure.” A happy marriage is a gift from God. Proverbs does not give details on choosing a mate but it does emphasize the wisdom of relying on divine guidance in making that choice. Verse 31:10 begins the well-known description of the ideal wife. A man should rejoice that his wife has “noble character,” however, the same holds true for the husband! Both are to be “worth far more than rubies” to one another. Paul upholds this ideal in Ephesians when he tells spouses to, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21) Wives are to “submit to your husbands as to the Lord” and husbands are to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church!” Proverbs compares a family to a house. A strong family is like a house built by wisdom and established by understanding. We should construct our families on the foundation of biblical principles. An empty house is incomplete. Normally, a house is furnished. The writer says our family life should be furnished by “knowledge.” The word translated knowledge often refers to personal relationship. A personal relationship with God is essential to building a strong family and it is like “rare and beautiful treasures.” Being wise about family means we need to accept God’s design for the family!
EXAMPLE: Biblical principles are often in conflict with portrayals of family life in the media. Jesus compared the Christian life to a house built on a solid foundation. That house can withstand the storms of life (Matt. 7:24-25). How many families, even Christian ones, in our day are in turmoil? Most I fear. Why? They do not rely on Biblical principles to guide their home life. This past year I bought a used set of golf clubs. I may never play the game, yet they are there if I ever need them. I have lots of stuff in my garage that is like that, do you? Whenever I need it I just have to go out and find it. You know what? Families were designed by the Lord that way. You may laugh but it is true! Everything wonderful about family is in His design and all we have to do is discover it! In the garage of our lives there exists a happy family! Far too often we have misplaced the one main ingredient, God, that will make it whole again. Being wise about family means we need to accept God’s design for the family!
God’s design for marriage is that husband and wife commit themselves to each other for life and relate to each another with godly wisdom and understanding. God’s plan for marriage involves a husband and wife who have integrity and who are mature, loyal, honest, and faithful to each other. Both the husband and wife should have a strong faith in God. The “house” or home they build together will be strong when it is based on biblical principles. We discover that we must…
II. Relate Wisely to Our Spouse (Proverbs 14:1; 21:19; 19:14)
1. Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage! While attention is focused on the wife in these verses, they are equally applicable to both husband and wife. A wife has a tremendous impact on a family. A wise woman helps create and build a strong, godly family, while a foolish one destroys family life. Although males played the more prominent role in Hebrew society, the writer correctly acknowledged the key role played by wives and mothers in a family. Proverbs presents the ideal pattern for married life but it is also realistic about problems married couples face. The husband does not escape his responsibility. We discover in our own day that many households lack godly men who are involved in the day to day spiritual and emotional nurture of their homes. Too many children suffer from a lack of a father’s care. We also discover that a wife that is nagging and hot-tempered makes family life more difficult. A husband married to this kind of wife would prefer to isolate himself in a wilderness! Children tend to ignore mothers who constantly nag rather than gain respect. Fathers need to be responsible as well in this area. We cannot control another person’s behavior, but we can exercise control over our own. When we take proper actions, often we will receive the proper reactions. The writer turns to the idea of inheritance. Inheritance is a major concern in many societies. In Hebrew life, the sons inherited from fathers. Good common sense in a spouse in our day isn’t often seen as a wonderful thing. Far too many want what they want when they want it. Few save anything and spend far beyond their means expecting the government or others to bail them out. We discover that “houses and wealth” are not worth as much as an intelligent mate in life! Being wise about family means relating wisely to our spouse.
EXAMPLE: My father was a real character. He was often the one that could find humor in any situation. When my mother threw a fur coat she hated off a bridge into a stream, a young man diligently waded in and returned it to her. Disgusted at not getting of rid of her fur, my father smiled and remarked, “Lark, ‘cast thy coat upon the waters: for thou shalt find it after many days.’” Another essential ingredient in a happy marriage is love. Our society portrays romantic love or sexuality as the basis for marriage. A problem with this is that all too often this kind of love is limited to a feelings or to a temporary physical attraction. The highest kind of love is that which acts in the best interests of the other person. It is sacrificial. The Hebrew word often used for love means “to have affection” and can also refer to a friendship. Husband and wife need to be best friends. A loving husband-wife relationship makes family life happy without a lot of material things. An abundance of stuff cannot replace the absence of love in a home. Being wise about family means relating wisely to our spouse.
Inheritance of material possessions is fine, but God’s gift of a sensible spouse is far greater. If we are open to God’s leadership, He will help us find the right person to marry. Again, we need to recall that not all people need to be married. Being single is also a gift from God. Single adults can fulfill their needs for companionship with strong Christian friendships. As we continue in being wise about family, we discover that here in Proverbs we must also…
III. Relate Responsibly to Our Children! (Proverbs 20:7; 16:21; 29:15; 22;6; 23:24)
1. Some say that some “smart” kids today do not smart in the right places! Proverbs includes many verses on parent-child relationships. Verse 20:7 stresses that parents should set positive examples for their children. The parent marked by integrity will provide the right model for their children. The children will be happy or “blessed.” Children do not always follow the parents’ examples, but parents are obligated to be good role models anyway. Ethics is more caught than taught! Therefore, a wise parent knows that pleasant speech is important in parenting. Parents need to offer constructive criticism to their children but not by tearing them down. And children should be expected to use proper respectful speech with one another and adults. Some parents try to control a child’s behavior through manipulation. They set unrealistic goals for the child and discipline becomes oppressive. Paul warned about stirring up a child’s anger (Eph. 6:4). Other parents go to the opposite extreme. They wrongly believe that if you love your child, you will not discipline them. A youth left to himself will not know how to behave properly and will act inappropriately. Verse 22:6 may be the best-known verse in Proverbs! We should see it as a principle, not a promise. A parent should discipline or teach a child the right way to live. When the child is old, he will generally retain these basic values learned as a child, however, “a child left to himself disgraces” both parents! Verse 23:24 reminds us that parents are proud of children who act responsibly. We can rejoice greatly at the strong moral character of our children. Parents often compliment their children about things such as good grades in school, musical accomplishments, or athletic achievements. We should also let our children know we appreciate their honesty and integrity. Being wise about family teaches us to relate responsibly to our children.
EXAMPLE: Some people have attributed to Mark Twain the statement, “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in 7 years.” The attitude of children toward their parents changes as they mature. Some young people show little respect for their fathers and mothers. It's disheartening to see this. But if they mature, many begin to recognize that Mom and Dad knew a lot more than they gave them credit for. On the other hand, some young people come to realize with deep regret that if they had followed the counsel of their parents they could have avoided much heartache both for themselves and their family. Christian parents need to evaluate the way they are relating to their children. They need to consider the examples they are setting. They need to reflect on the messages they send both by what they say and by how they act. A parent, for instance, who talks about other ethnic groups in a demeaning way teaches the child to be racially prejudiced. A parent who openly demonstrates love for his or her spouse communicates a positive model for family life. A husband who berates his wife sends a message to the child that his or her mother is inadequate. Being wise about family teaches us to relate responsibly to our children.
Conclusion:
1. We are to embrace God’s design for marriage and family life.
2. Each believer is to follow biblical principles in building strong and enduring relationships with his or her spouse.
3. Parents are to train their children to be responsible, godly adults.
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